Tuesday, July 31, 2012

2. Love is an Investment

I can't remember my mum complain about how I was always pointing at Barbie dolls, Poly pockets, Tamagochis, Skechers shoes or drooling over a Chickenjoy meal whenever we’re in a mall (whether she can afford it or not). I was never a whining, demanding kid. Apart from earning the toys I had by bringing my mum a medal from quiz bees, declamation, or essay writing contests I eagerly joined, the toys and other gifts I had received were given, I believe --- out of love and kindness. Sometimes, I overheard them say, "she deserved it". 


Sabi ng nanay ko, sa sobrang bait ko daw (dati) dalawa lamang ang kwalipikasyon ng lalakeng dapat kong mapangasawa:

(1)  yung mas mahal ako ng lalake kesa yung kabaligtaran; o

(2) yung matatapatan o mahihigitan pa ng pagmamahal ng nanay ko yung pagmamahal ng mapapangasawa ko.


My dad died before i can clearly remember his face (August 1987). No one can argue how strong mum had always been by assuming the role of both mother and father until this very day. She never did remarry. Ever since my mum took charge, she focused her life on our needs: how she'd fix the roof during summertime, cook supper every night after work, and get part-time jobs/rakets for extra income. We never had to wash or iron our own clothes. She would pick up Blueberry and Cherry Muffins at French Baker for my baon the next day before heading home and would stock boxes of Cow Head for Kuya coz he drinks it like water. There were those times when it's difficult to make the ends meet yet we never had birthdays without trays of Baked Macaroni or a cake with a candle to blow out for that silent wishing ritual. She had sent us to good schools and taught us the moral values we could pass on our children. We are always on top of her list and she gave everything, including her own happiness because of love.


Mahirap maintindihan na may mga batang masyadong nagmamadali sa paglaki at pagtakas sa buhay kapiling ng mga magulang. Sa mumurang edad, imbes na maglaro at tumulong sa bahay e puro pagpapa-cute na ang inatupag nang makitang namimintog na ang kanilang mga dibdib. Yung iba nagmamadali nang magkaregla. 28-29 inches pa lang ang circumference ng kaha ng katawan kalahating dosena na ang pinorder na bra sa A-bon (Avon). Ang gusto pa e may pom (foam) at push-ups. Nag-poponds at Eskinol na wala pa mang pimples. Imbes na magsimba, nakatambay sa labas at nakikipagpalitan na ng mga celphone numbers ang nakapang-Christmas party getup na mga hitad. Nagbubulakbol at nagka-cutting para makapag-Dota. Mas babad pa ang mga kamay sa computer kesa sa mga hugasin sa lababo. Mas naka-chat pa ang mga kabarkada kesa nagawan ng Birthday card ang Tatay o masabihan ang nanay ng‘I Love You’ isang beses sa isang taon kpag Mother’s Day. Magpapaka-emo o misunderstood youth --- Ilalayo ang sarili kasi hinde daw sila maintindihan e hinde nman nila inilapit ang sarili nila in the first place. Tas di pa tapos ang pag-aaral magpapabuntis na o mambubuntis na o mag-aadik. Nakatapos man ng pag-aaral, paghahanap na ng syota o gelpren o asawa ang inatupag. Ni hinde magtrabaho para maparanas sa magulang ang ginhawa at pahingang matagal na nilang inaasam. Masyadong excited ang nakararami. Ni hinde na naisip na mabilis lang lumipas ang 18 taon ng pagiging bata. Meron ka namang 42 na taon pa para maghanap at makasama mo yung pinakasalan mo at ang magiging pamilya mo kung pagbabasehan ang average life span ng isang Pilipino. Na sa paglipas ng panahon sa dumadaming distraksyon sa buhay e mas lumiliit ang pagkakataon na ibalik sa magulang ang atensyon, pagmamahal at pag-aaruga na binigay nila saten --- Out of pure love man o kahit na dahil lamang sa obligasyon. Hinde nman masama na sa limitadong panahon e sila nman ang maging dependent satin. Hinde masama yun kung hinde sosobra.

Habang buhay kong pagsisilbihan at ibabalik ang mga taon na hinde lang sarili ang inisip ng Nanay ko sa pagpapalaki sakin dahil sa lubos na pagmamahal. Kaya ako nagsumikap sa pag-aaral at nagttrabaho para matupad ang lahat ng mga pangarap nya. Hinde utang na loob, kundi pagbabalik lang ng nararapat. Mahal ko e.


It’s as if I had my first born at the age of 23. Every morning, I’d pack his bag for school... i mean, work. There he would usually find 3 hard boiled eggs, a 3 layer peanut butter and banana sandwich, and some slices of apple in zip locks. A Sirloin Salad for lunch (his favorite) in a medium sized rectangular lock & lock and another banana for his afternoon snack. Still on my wrinkled pyjamas, I’d drive him to his office while we talk about some football players who got transferred to another team or last night's episode of Breaking Bad. After my 10-hour shift, I’d drive myself home, head straight to the kitchen and prepare our dinner and tomorrow’s brunch with snacks (which are, by the way, not last night’s leftovers). Around 11, I would be sweating myself out with Jillian Michaels.


2009: Sumunod si Rob sa Qatar at 
hiningi ang kamay ko kay Mama upang magpakasal kami sa Huwes.

2010: Nag-ipon si Rob para sa pinapangarap naming (at ng aking pamilya) kasal sa simbahan.

2011: Ikalawang kasal sa simbahan kasama ang ilang mga kapamilya at kaibigan.


When Rob and I exchanged our vows, not only I promised to be loyal and will love him for the rest of our waking days.. I also promised to be the best wife and mother one could have. I would take care of him as much as how he had been pampered by his mother. I taught myself how to cook meals he could only have in hotels and classy restaurants. I listen to him and made his interests my own. We laugh at the corniest jokes and shed tears together in trying times like those girls in Johnson's Pure Essentials ads. I take care of myself coz I'm a wife too. As much as I can, I am extra sensitive to his needs. There shouldn’t be any reason for him to look far away if he needed someone. I can be his mom / best bud / brother / girlfriend.. or even his mistress. 

When we're starting out as a couple, he couldn’t stand wasting our energies on a restday washing and ironing clothes so he hired a lady to do it. He also bought me my comic books and action figures. Louis Vuitton for me wasn’t even a dream. The gold tags are outrageously steep that it became just an idea. But not for long. For I don’t have to tell my husband I deserved that bag. He knew that he had to buy me one. No, two.

Like Dolphy to Zsazsa, Rob prioritizes my convenience and, if I would allow him to do so, all the luxury he can afford to give me.

Some improvements had been realized for the past 3 years which involved maturity in terms of consumerism, budget, wise prioritization and other grown-up undertakings. We don’t spend that much anymore just to show our love for each other. He now does all the housework to help me out (except cooking) without resorting to paid services. We plan ahead and take things seriously though sometimes, it sure is a struggle, when one wants something while the other kills the yearning. What I admire about my husband is that, he knows when to yield. He doesn’t press his personal motives. He acknowledges my fixation on order and preparation. His priorities are unquestionable: the wife and her interests above others.



5D Mark III? 

House & Lot.


Love is an investment: A non-profit one shared by two people in love. Not only it involves capitalizing on financial, material and physical elements but also captures time and the emotional aspect in their lives. If one does so, he does not give anything less than EVERYTHING. If a woman troubles herself to please her husband, a man who passionately loves her will give everything at his BEST in return. One would know what they have is a good investment if the return of whatever each has been investing to another comes back in terms of: affection, loyalty & security given, priorities wherein the partner is being held on top of his list, and share of work effort. This doesn't tell us, as individuals, to love only if you will gain something from the other. It merely focuses on the give and take relationship, a two-way connection where the couple invest all their resources on each other and mutually benefit from the relationship in return. 

The same principle affects the love which springs higher further each day between me and Rob. My husband is giving me all his best for he sees that I deserve it, just like mum. As a result, the friendship, loyalty, deep respect and my consuming love for him  is the return of his investment.  

And so my mum believes that this love is a good deal worth risking.

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